I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
