i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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