If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
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