I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
