Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Randomize
