i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
