Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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