then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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