I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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