My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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