Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
