Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
