I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
