if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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