The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Found your dick twin last night
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
