You're my little dorito
i came on her dog
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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