Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
