his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
