his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
