I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
