From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
