I think I am morally bankrupt
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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