i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
