You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
