ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
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