she was so not down for the gang bang
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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