You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
