Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
