so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
