So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Randomize
