are you so shy because you have an std?
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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