My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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