My sheets look like a crime scene.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
