If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
