A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
