It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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