yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
