i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
