i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Randomize
