it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
