Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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