i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
