I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
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