I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
