I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
