Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
