she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Randomize
