so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
