Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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