in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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