best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
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I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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